Yeah well, it’s been a minute since my last blog. And all that time and space just reaffirms why I could never be a “true” blogger. I have the attention span of a gnat and the life-excitement of a sloth. Now, if only I blogged when I was in my early twenties whacked out on…. you know what… I won’t go there. Let’s just say I used to eat A LOT of candy. And too much candy is bad for you. Bad, bad, bad.
So, what have I been up to? School. That about sums it up! And somehow in the meantime I “kinda” took up entering 5k runs. Now, before we all go judging a skinny, 105lb, 5’3 book by its cover, let me clear up some things. I don’t like to run, workout or do any of those other kinds of ridiculous forms of staying healthy activities. EXCEPT, for martial arts (which I’m not currenttly practicing). And I don’t do that to stay healthy. I do it for the simple fact that I envision myself kicking the majority of the people I meet in the head. Annnnd having someone willingly put a padded helmet on and allow me to do so is, AWESOME! And yes, if you’re over 6’1, I can kick you in the head. My boss let me prove that to him the other day.
What a GREAT boss! Am I right?!
I digress.
SOOO, I only took up this ridiculous new “hobby” for the simple fact that I was acting like a girl. Yes, I know, you might have been confused. But what I mean is that I was acting like a typical chick. I know, it’s not making much sense so let me give a quick recap.
My girlfriend (and yes I mean the girl whom which I “prefer” to be with, because I’m waiting until Mitt Romney gets elected president so I can get an opening for me at the lobotomy clinic as to cure me of this dirty little “choice” some call, lesbianism)… Ahem… So, my girlfriend is a runner…. And I’m not talking a person that goes out jogging here and there. Or that person that just likes to Forest Gump it every now and then. This chick RUNS! I mean like runs and wins races and sh*t.
Soo, she put something out on Facebook one day about wanting someone to accompany her on this thing called, The Fun Run, that RoadRunner Sports does every 3rd Thursday of the month. You run to certain checkpoints, receive a raffle ticket and in the end win tons of cooooool stuff. Someone had commented that they would like to go, but they knew they couldn’t keep up with her. She then told them that they could also walk it if they wanted. So, ME being the girl I am that doesn’t mind walking and LOVES free cool stuff got all butt-hurt that she didn’t think to tell me when it came to this fun, lil adventure.
Sooo, what does one do when they’re all butt-hurt… they act like a girl, get pouty about not being invited to accompany her girlfriend on this “Fun” run. Soo, what does the girlfriend say when confronted by said whiner… “I know how much you hate running and pretty much any other form of physical activity, so I thought you wouldn’t want to go…?”
Damn her and her correctness!
So, what does said whiner now have to do since she’s committed herself to a tantrum that now has her girlfriend feeling bad, you ask??? She plays it off like she’s offended and doesn’t realize that in the process she’s signing her name on the dotted line of a 5k “Fun” Run.
F#%K! What did I get myself into?!
So, fast forwarding to the day of the run… I had a long day at work, my girlfriend was SUPER excited that I had somehow still stayed committed to the “Fun” run. At the stroke of 6pm they sent us our secret map via email, dropped down a map at which we could snap some photos of and we were on our way. It was a VERY HOT August day and I couldn’t believe I didn’t come down with a sudden case of bullshit that impaired me from running. Somehow I stood strong and firm to the whiner I created and was committed to proving to my girlfriend, I too can “run”.
Well…. about half a friggin block into it my girlfriend realizes grannies on walkers have lapped us and her elastic body is seizing from the agonizing snail pace that only I am capable of easily trotting. She then says to me, “You know,?! I bet I could hit ALL the check points and get us lots of raffle tickets….!!!”
It was then I knew what was about to happen. I was getting ditched! I didn’t even argue, because it was me being a damn chick that got me into this hell in the first place. Plus I quickly thought about how the beer garden wasn’t too far back and I’d already received my 1 free beer raffle ticket. So I exasperated, “Just go… I’m fine…. I’ll make it…..” And like a cartoon flash of lightning… she WENT!
There I was in the back of the pack with the other slow-asses… Trotting along, somehow still moving forward and not backwards. I ended up befriending another slowpoke that became a “running” partner in crime. She motivated me and kept me going. She too was ditched, by her 17-year-old son. We had THAT in common.
I ended up “running” 3.7 miles that day. I only made it to three checkpoints, but ended up with 10 raffle tickets. My Mighty Mouse of a girlfriend made it to ALL the checkpoints (as we knew she would) in the same amount of time it took me to do 3 and pulled in 16 raffle tickets. I was able to gain as many as I did by jumping into a pool, yelling out a secret code word, catching a water balloon without it popping and traded my beer ticket for a regular raffle ticket. In the end neither of us won jack sh*t!
HOWEVER, something had sparked within me. And I also believe within the both of us together as a couple. Even though I got ditched, we had a blast waiting and hoping someone would call out one of our raffle tickets. Since then we did the American Heart Association 5k run and tomorrow we are going to be Ninja Turtles in the Awesome 80’s run!
I know what you’re thinking… Hell must have frozen over because Star is running without having a gun pointed at her head. Doode, I know. It blows my mind too. So, I’m excited to be able to show y’all some photos after tomorrow’s Awesome 80’s 5k. 🙂 I hope all is well with you and I’ll hopefully be posting another blog before the year 2013.
Stay thirsty my friends.
~starburtt~
Star is a Nerd! 